Usually this kind of subject would be
frowned upon by many because it’s considered taboo or too sensitive. We can’t
fault people for their opinions because we grew up in a very conservative
era. Some were and are still very ‘churchy’. Yet it’s like those saucy Chinese B-grade
movies where we know Chinese people are supposed to be very conservative but at
the same time appreciate eroticism.
I did promise Chun See not to dwell
on those itchy and erotic stuff, which some people like to hear. And so, I shall handle this with care and
objectivity (hopefully). Remember we are
two very “clean-type” adults in our Silver Tsunami Years. So here’s our story.
Our paths crossed when we were both
busy with our careers; she was in banking, whilst I was in IT. I was
Singaporean, and she was an Indonesian Chinese residing in Singapore at that
time. Looking back now …. how time flies.
We had lost contact with each for over 30 years. Meantime, we had separately
raised children who are already working adults (but from different spouses). By “jodoh” we were re-united by the founder
of Google Search who developed this wonderful software that enables one to find
almost anything under the sun. She has
actually been following Lam Chun See’s GMY blog and thought my writing style and
my childhood memories reminded her of someone she knew from the past. Furthermore she recognized me with that
unmistakable deep voice on Foodage.
So the re-connection was agreed and both
were eagerly looking forward to meeting again, not knowing how the other person
looks like today. I didn’t have much of
her on photograph but was very surprised to hear that she still kept a card
from me. What card? My business card? It was in pristine condition (when I saw it) because
it meant so much to her; and the only memory of me. Gee I must have left a great impression on
her. The card was kept in a safe place at
a bank vault until KeppelBank was acquired by OCBC Bank. That night she showed me the card. With a bit of teary eyes, I took a long hard
look to read what was written. The card
was given through the courtesy of NOEL the
Hamper and Flower People and accompanied the bouquet of flowers for her
birthday. Hmmm, this was the first and
only time I ever dedicated flowers to a girl.
To be honest we were not worried
about meeting again. Certainly, we would
not “die of shock” upon looking at our new body contours; unlike the case of a
friend of mine. He told me he almost fell off his chair when his turn came.
And that 'meeting' only involved an exchange of photographs over the Internet. Some women friends I hear simply refused to
meet their x-bfs for fear of rejection.
Some would never want to meet because of a bad fall-out.
Photo 1: [Top] The Kasbah at
the Mandarin Hotel Orchard – now the Meritus Mandarin (c 1983). [Bottom] The “Kasbah” today opposite the
Mandarin Court Restaurant.

At that time, I must have fallen for
her. In Malay they called this lemah-lembut. Where did we go for dates? Since we loved dancing, names rolled out easily
but the Kasbah was where we liked best - it was our first date here. There were also meals at Jack’s Place over in
Yen San Building below the Citibank Orchard.
She didn’t forget the car-rides to some quiet far-off corners of
Singapore. Funny thing; we didn’t do the
movie circuit. Now these are historical
places gone forever. We realized the
cost of living has gone up; the food prices looked so atrociously expensive. Back then credit cards were not so widely
used, NETS Payment had not arrived; cash payment was the order of the day and
that’s where I realized my folly, I forgot to top up my wallet and sheepishly
had to “borrow” money from her to pay for the date. “Ah you didn’t repay me after you borrowed”,
she said. This was the most embarrassing
moment for me that evening. “OK I now
repay, how much was it?”

Photo 2: This really made me
looked so gundduh. First look who
I ordered the flowers from? I wonder
whether this firm still in business.
Next, did I send the card during CNY period – the image reminded me of
the festive season? She called it Sweet Innocence.
My question for the evening: What (lasting)
impressions could I have left on you?
Gentle person, caring and soft-spoken - traits which should have helped us
make it through the years. So how come
we never got married? “You were always a
busy man, jet here, jet there. You never
said those magic words nor showed commitment.”
It was true I didn’t say those 3
magic words (ILU) to her though we dated very frequently. It was certainly not the case of commitment to
a HDB flat which we get to read these days in the Straits Times. I equated the fact since I saw her often, it was
sufficient evidence that there was no need to do anything more. Little did I realize that a woman wants to
know what is at the end of the road in a relationship.
We met one final time in Hong Kong after
I got the much-coveted regional job. We
had lunch at a place near the Bank of America Tower before I flew out of Kai
Tak International Airport for San Francisco the next morning. It was here I found out the hard truth and the
Kailan dish didn’t taste yummy. Yes she was my old flame
and I would have proposed to her if not for the miscommunications; I don't mean
we had fights of that sort. We missed each other because I was then busy
with my career and embroiled in office politics. I wanted to get out of the Singapore market
and go regional in my career. I already
knew something about her; she had the good qualities of a life partner,
very typical of strict Indonesian Chinese families who spoke Dutch and Bahasa
Indonesia. Indonesian
Chinese girls are something. In the old
days they are taught to be well-mannered, discreet and are usually very polite
by nature. She was in that mould. By the time I arrived in HK, I was
married, there was little choice and she found someone else.

Photo 3: Strange thing though, we were both in Hong Kong at one time,
we didn’t meet again after that final meeting.
She was working in the Bank of America Tower and I was staying at the
Furama Hotel Inter-Con, both near Statute Square area. Ten years ago, we were living in the same
neighborhood in SG but didn’t know that either.
Photo of HK waterfront (c 1988).
Now listen to this verbatim during an
exchange of messages to determine our ultimate meeting venue. Even Silver Tsunami babies got problems
finding their way around in the New Singapore.
P: Wanna test me?
S: Test you on wat?
P: whether I’m still
romantic?
S: Yes.....
P: Can try
S: What would you
consider a romantic date?
P: U like mosquitos?
S: Unfortunately, no.
P: Next question, in SG
or outside SG?
S: S’pore
P: SG very dry leh
S: Romantic dinner,
then?
P: Huh? Always eating.
Heheheh.
S: What else to do in
Spore?
P: Ah, u have to use a bit of imagination. Most people think of candle-light diner and
the commercials advocate it.
S: And you?
P: ask yourself how can
one ever enjoy romantic @dinners? Most time looking @food and praising the food
or the chef. Dats dull.
S: So what is romantic
evening?
Indeed Singapore today is considered
expensive for entertainment. Meeting
somebody revolves around food and the same familiar settings. Soft relaxing music not punishing on the ears
is lacking and replaced by noisy pubs and clubs. We ruled out Ku De Ta and Dempsey Hill because
they were not conducive places for a quiet evening.
When we got up to dance at the Kasbah,
Rahimah Rahim sang, “When Will I See You Again”. Tonight a
different band played the same song just when we were about to take leave. We still joked about who would make it to the
other’s funeral wake first. “Better to
have more friends to send you off than be the last person”, she commented. “Makes sense”, I replied.
Thanks for the beautiful memories
Syl, her pet name I still carry with me. Through this, I came to bury much of
the disappointments of the past. I said
sorry to her - it should not have happened that way. On a more positive note, I promise not to
show our faces (Then & Now) but only this card which you
have preciously kept all these 30 years.
This time no more flowers but this song is dedicated to you Syl.